A human mind

Knowledge quells wonder. In a sense this is true. The more you know about something the less you I don't want to wait why can't I just write write like I usually do write what i think write what i've never thought or at least never realized i've thought. what's in my head what's blocking my brain why do I have trouble finding the words i love words it's never been a problem before that's not true some papers just wont come some ideas sometimes thinking too much gets in the way i second guess i dont know enough can't express ideas in a smooth fluid way cant say what im trying to say dont know what it is im trying to say just write the words that come there's a story out there, capture it writing in itself can lead to truth so many of the greatest writers went insane writing is dangerous you explore things maybe youre not meant to go too deep take a step too far this is my mind you want to see inside you wont understand i dont understand i dont want to write things out for you do i have an obligation to the others does this have to fit a format is there something acceptable, something unacceptable when i write does it need a style a convention will you be mad if it's this, if i don't follow the rules. i love english i love structure i believe its necessary in language in writing i think its proper i think it reveals a beauty in the words and there's a magic to it someone like Oscar Wilde who can use words like that creates a whole new dimension its an art form there's a message in the style not just the words. but sometimes you need to throw that away just write for the sake of writing just see where the ideas take you just take what you get what comes into your head and then goes onto the page. why are you reading this? why am i writing this? when i started i had an idea in mind, maybe i'll come back and write about it later, but the words wouldn't come my mind is a jumble and i couldn't say what i wanted. this is how i journal, stream of consciousness, no rule is absolute, sometimes there's structure sometimes though you have to throw away the rules. you have to get the ideas some things can't be constrained there's a freedom to this. a freedom from convention that lets you get to something deeper and then you can go back and refine it, make it comprehensible to others, but sometimes just write for yourself, it can help you figure out what you're really thinking and probably show you something about yourself, something about what goes on inside your head how brilliant it can be even in it's randomness the connections and associations you make without even realizing it. there's something beneath all of this, there's something deeper, something more, get there however you can, think in different ways, wonder, question, consider however you want, don't let others tell you how. That won't get you somewhere new, just where they are. Go down your own path, fly on your dreams

Half of me wants to apologize for this. I was serious when I said I started off with an idea in mind, hence the beginning couple lines and then the leap into confusion. But after a week of midterms I couldn't really handle writing anything resembling an essay. So instead I wrote a journal entry, which is scary because this really is a glimpse into my mind, displayed on a page and I don't usually let other people see that. So you don't get an apology, just a promise that I won't do this often, that usually my writing be much more comprehensible. Take this as whatever you want, try to enjoy it, but at the very least laugh at the absurdity of a human mind.